Meridian Fourth Step Inventory

MERIDIAN RECOVERY CENTER

FOURTH STEP



Refer to:
4th Step in NA Big Book
4th Step in 12 X 12
Feb. 10th in 24 Hrs. A Day
Pg. 64 – 71 in AA Big Book

Preparing for Step Four
We prepare for Step Four by recognizing the fact that, to some degree, denial has been operating in our lives. We prepare by asking God for the courage to face those areas that have been protected by denial. And we prepare for Step Four by planning to nurture ourselves during and after the inventory process.


Prayer for Step Four
Dear God,
It is I who have made my life a mess. I have done it, but I cannot undo it. My mistakes are mine, and I will begin a searching and fearless moral inventory. I will write down my wrongs, but I will also include that which is good. I pray for the strength to complete the task.
(Taken from Prayers for The Twelve Steps – A Spiritual Journey, page 14)
The purpose of a searching and fearless moral inventory is to sort through the confusion and the contradiction of our lives so that we can find out who we really are. We are starting a new way of life and need to be rid of the burdens and traps, which have controlled us and prevented growth.
As we approach this step, most of us are afraid that there’s a monster inside of us that, if released, will destroy us. This fear can cause us to put off our inventory or may even prevent us from taking this crucial step at all. We need to remember that fear is lack of faith; and now that we have found a loving, personal God to turn to we no longer need to be afraid.
We have been experts at self-deception and rationalization; by writing our inventory we can overcome these obstacles. A thorough written inventory will unlock parts of our subconscious, which remain hidden when we simply think about or talk about who we are. Once it’s all down on paper it’s much easier to see, and much harder to deny our true nature. Honest self-assessment is one of the keys to our new way of life.
The only way to get clean and sober is to stop using and or drinking, and the only way to take an inventory is to sit down and do it. Many specific inventory methods have been used successfully by our members. This inventory method has worked for some of us and can work for you if you’ll follow through. Remember, you cannot write a bad inventory – only a better one, and you can write too little – but never too much.
INSTRUCTIONS:
You will need a pad of paper (lined paper or theme book), a pen and a good dictionary.
Sit at a table or desk to write; make sure you have plenty of room and that you will not be unnecessarily interrupted.
In going through this guide look up the definition of any words that you do not know the meaning of.
When you are actually writing, leave a wide margin so that you can add or comment later.
Try to write down what first comes to you; don’t edit your inventory.
Don’t worry about spelling or neatness; your inventory should be
readable but it doesn’t have to be a work of art.
Do not erase or obliterate anything you write. Strike out "wrong" words
or errors with a single line that can be read through.
If something "pops" into your head when you are working on something else, write it down or make a note on a separate sheet so that you can return to it later. Then get back to what you were doing before.
You are writing your inventory for you. At this point, the fifth step does not exist. Write down everything, even the things that you are unwilling to share. You can always take something out later, but by writing it down at least you will have a chance to see it more clearly.
Write until you have nothing left to write. Your inventory will probably take more than one sitting to write. Try to stop at the end of a section and start again as soon as possible.
Resentment is the way most of us have reacted to the past. It is the reliving of past experiences again and again in our minds. The more often you have relived an event or gotten into "should have" and "if only" then the more significant that event probably is.
Below, is a list of liabilities. Some will apply to you, and some will not. Identify the ones that do apply to you and write a statement on how each one has affected you and if you’ve used them to justify your drinking and / or drugging.
Self pity
Self justification
Self condemnation
Self Importance
Dishonesty
Impatience
Hate
Resentment
False Pride
Jealousy
Envy
Laziness
Procrastination
Insincerity
Negative thinking
Vulgar, immoral, trashy thinking
Criticizing
Closed mindedness
Presumption

Contempt prior to investigation
7 Deadly Sins anger, covetousness,
envy, gluttony, sloth, lust, and pride.
Reluctance in paying off debts
Self-centeredness / ego
Intolerance / Prejudice
Suspicion
Fear
Possessiveness
Unreasonable fear
Harm done to others
Arrogance
Self seeking
Self destructiveness
Self-will run riot
Grandiosity
Irresponsibility
Abuse – hurt others
Anger is the way most of us have reacted to the present. It is our reaction to and denial of reality.
Write about the things that make you angry, irritate you, or make you feel uncomfortable. What are your "buttons" and how do they get "pushed"? Are there any key words, phrases, actions, or situations, which are sure to "set you off "? The following is a list of some of the things that we often react to with anger.
Some of these will apply to you and some will not. Use this list as a starting point and to get you thinking in terms of anger.
Being criticized
Being contradicted
Being ignored
Being kidded
Practical jokes
Being laughed at

Being gossiped about or talked about
Being called names (stupid, fat, skinny, bastard, bitch, whore, etc….)
Being touched
Being stood too close to
Being praised
Fear is the way we have reacted to the future. It is our response to the unknown, a fantasy in reverse. Examine your fears, both past and present, (especially those you think are irrational or those, which you think no longer, bother you). The following is a list of common fears. Some of these will apply to you and some will not. Use this list as a starting point and to get you thinking in terms of fear.
People
Insanity
Police
Asylums
Acceptance
Ridicule
Honesty
Accidents
Spiders
Heights
Hospitals

Impotence
Marriage
Gambling
Stealing
Attack
Obsessions
Sarcasm
Water
Mistakes
Principles
Death

Jails
Authority
Failure
Insecurity
Religion
Animals
Insects
Diseases
Obesity
Drugs
Misconduct

Being disliked
Responsibility
Pain
Justice
Inferiority
Public Speaking
Suffocating
Desire
God
Punishment

Institutions
Rejections
Success
Self-assessment
Insecurity
Snakes
The dark
Cancer
Starvation
Sex

Rape
Discipline
Moral codes
Hurting others
Past crimes
Ego deflation
Claustrophobia
Other races
Pride

Sex is an area in which most of us have had problems. One of our old timers sometimes refers to us as "lovers in distress" and this is certainly true. Most of us carry a burden of false shame and false guilt because we have tried to live up to an unrealistic or false moral code.
Write about your "ideal perfect" relationship (casual affair, lover, or spouse) and how your actual relationships have lived up to and fallen short of this ideal.
Write about your sexual fantasies whether or not you have acted them out.
Write about your honest feelings on the following words and how they apply to you. Use this list as a starting point and add others you can think of.
Adultery
Incest
Masochism
Prostitution
Voyeurism
Homosexuality
Animal Sex
Masturbation
Oral sex
Sex "aids"
Unresolved remorse

Rape
Sadism
Pornography
Molestation
Teasing
Racial Sex
Indecent exposure
Fetishes
Group Sex
Abortion
Guilt
Answer the following questions in writing.
How have you and how do you see yourself? (What is your self-image?)
What do you want to be when you grow up?
What do you want out of life?
What things have you done for acceptance that you really didn’t want to?
What things did you do while you were using that you find yourself unable to do today?
What can you do today that you couldn’t do before?
What are your fantasies and dreams (other than sex)?
What is your definition of freedom?
Have you intentionally left anything out of your inventory?
Are there any events written in your inventory, which never really happened?
Is there anything else you can think of that specifically helps to make you you?
What fears and problems have occurred in the process of writing this inventory?
What is your definition of surrender?
How do boredom, isolation, and loneliness affect you and how do you deal with them?
What is your N.A. / A.A. birthday?
Assets must also be considered if we are to get an accurate and complete picture of ourselves. This is very difficult for most of us because it is hard for us to accept that we have good qualities. We each have a combination of assets and liabilities and through this program we try to eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive.
Write about each event in your life when you did something good without expecting anything in return.
Write at least one to three sentences on each of the following assets that come to mind.
Open-mindedness
God Awareness
Love
Modesty
Honesty with others
Forgiveness
Serenity
Trust
Acceptance

Positive action
Sharing
Promptness
Willingness
Humility
Friendship
Self-acceptance
Self-honesty
Patience

Simplicity
Courage
Faith
Generosity
Caring
Self-supporting
Gratitude
Caring
Helpful

Anyone who has some time in the program and who has worked these steps will tell us that the Fourth Step was a turning point in their lives. Ultimately, we find out that we are just human, with the same fears, longings and troubles as everyone else. One of the greatest benefits of the N.A. / A.A. Programs is discovering that we need never be alone again. Others have felt as we feel. Others have failed where we failed. They are now in the strength of the Fellowship, which is ready and eager to help us.
This Fourth Step can be a wonderful adventure, reviewing our past performance and our present behavior to see what we want to keep and what we want to be rid of. No one is forcing us to give up our misery. This step has the reputation of being difficult. In reality, it’s quite simple.
As recovering addicts / alcoholics, we now have the right to reach for levels of greater comfort and we can reach them by getting a handle on what we’ve been doing wrong. If we want to feel good, we have to stop doing things that make us feel bad.
We are not going to be perfect. If we were perfect, we would not be human. The important thing is that we do our best. We use the tools available to us and we develop the ability to survive our emotions. We do not want to lose any of what we gained; we want to continue in the program. IT is our experience that no matter how searching and thorough, no inventory is of any lasting effect unless it is promptly followed by an equally thorough Fifth Step.
JUST FOR TODAY
Tell yourself –
Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs and or alcohol.
Just for today I will have faith in someone in N.A. / A.A. who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.
Just for today I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.
Just for today through N.A. / A.A. I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid, my thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and who have found a new way of life, So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.