Construction Industry 4th Step Inventory

Published As an Information
Guide By The
B.C. Construction Industry
REHABILITATION PLAN




YOUR 4TH STEP
PERSONAL
INVENTORY





"WE TOOK A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES"
THIS IS THE 4TH STEP OF THE PHILOSOPHY OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS.
"Know Thyself" is a famous saying that is attributed to the Greeks of many centuries ago. The saying and the philosophy involved are appropriate in these times as well. The challenge to know and accept one’s self is perhaps the greatest challenge that anyone ever faces. It seems that those who have found sobriety in the true sense of the word were able to meet this challenge in an acceptable way.
If we desire and intend to achieve sobriety, we start by trying to know, understand and accept the REAL person we are. We start this process…perhaps for the first time in our lives…here in this program, beginning now.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
What does it mean to take this kind of an inventory? We have certainly told ourselves often enough about our "sins", our lack of backbone and / or our lack of character.
Most of us, when we are compelled to look at ourselves have done so only from the standpoint of defense or of comparison. We have made the mistake of assuming that faulty or grossly inadequate management indicated we were bad people and needed to be punished. We have sometimes looked at ourselves and decided that we were no worse than others we knew…and so we took ourselves "off the hook", so to speak.
THIS WAY OF LOOKING AT OURSELVES MUST CHANGE!
We will look at the many aspects of our lives from an historical standpoint. We will see and accept how our thoughts and feelings have influenced our actions and our attitudes.
There are four rules we must follow, if we will make a good inventory:
We must be HONEST with ourselves. We must take our blinders and rose-colored glasses off. We must see things as they are.
We must make this inventory of SELF. It does little or no good to look at other’s faults and shortcomings. In this inventory we are looking at facts, not making comparisons. We must be establishing a picture of ourselves, not running a finger-pointing contest.
We must be sure our inventory is COMPLETE. We must look at our whole self, not merely at those aspects that tend to make us look good. We must look at our good points, to be sure, but we must also look at those things that have been too painful or disturbing to look at before. Too many of us habitually refuse to look at any unpleasantness. We pretend it doesn’t exist. This may very well have been an important factor that led to our being in the condition we are in now.
We must be THOROUGH. It will take considerable time to examine years of living and review how we have lived them. We just plain can’t do this in fifteen minutes while sitting in front of the TV.
Many people, when faced with this step, believe that the purpose is to make some sort of "laundry list" of crimes or sins in the hope that someone or something will forgive them…get them out from under trouble, so to speak…without their having to expend much effort in any direction. When punishment occurs in the process, most of us believe the slate has been wiped clean and we are free to go on our merry way again. It is "business as usual" again until we get into more trouble and the process is repeated.
WE MUST DISCARD THESE IDEAS AND APPROACH THE 4th STEP
FROM A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW.
An inventory is a management tool. It enables people, as well as businesses, to accurately determine what their managerial efforts have produced or led to. If we do this inventory properly, we will be able to determine if our solutions to the problems of living were the BEST we were capable of or whether we just took the easy way out. An inventory should produce indicators that influence us to make changes in methods or attitudes.
It is a FACT that we will not change our attitudes or management methods…or anything else, for that matter, until such time as a need for change is demonstrated TO OUR OWN SATISFACTION and we are able to accept this without any mental reservation or equivocation.
We recommend that you write out your fourth step for several reasons:
The act of getting out the writing things and sitting down with them tends to encourage us to concentrate on the business at hand. (Use a coil note book for writing in, have a dictionary on hand).
None of us are skillful enough to carry a whole inventory in our head and have it subject to recall for the 5th Step.
Writing our inventory enables us to avoid certain traps we all tend to fall into, namely leaving gaps in our history and / or plowing the same ground over and over again. If we have notes, we will be able to review as we go along and avoid these traps during the necessarily lengthy time needed to make a complete inventory.
These inventory notes are the backbone of the fifth step you will take later. It will be nearly impossible to take a good 5th step without them. A good 4th and 5th Step will lead you to a whole-hearted acceptance of yourself and thereby prepare you to make whatever changes in your life are necessary.
It is a paradox that we must accept ourselves before we are able to make changes, rather than the other way around.
ACCEPTANCE OF YOURSELF, WILLINGNESS TO SHARE YOURSELF AND RECOGNITION OF THE NEED AND DESIRABILITY OF CHANGE ARE PERHAPS THE BEGINNING OF THAT OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD STATE OF BEING KNOWN AS HUMILITY. THIS MAY WELL BE THE KEYSTONE OF TRUE SOBRIETY.
Now let’s get to the "How to…"
The inventory may be written in narrative form…as a letter or story might be written or it may be written in "list" form. You may even be able to think up some other acceptable way. You may write it in English or any other language you choose. You may use good grammar or not. You may even write in shorthand.
THE DECIDING FACTOR MUST BE THAT YOU WRITE IT AND THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO READ IT WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED. IT IS YOUR 4th STEP.
However you choose to write it, your 4th Step MUST contain certain elements:
Identification of the emotion or feeling you are looking at and what you think triggered it. As an example, what do you get angry at or what do you resent? Are you able to recognize that you are angry or resentful?
What did you do…or not do, say…or not say, as a result of having problems with the emotion you are looking at. Jog your memory to the best of your ability. Don’t pass over anything because you think it might not be important or because you just don’t want to think about it.
NOTE: FOR THE PURPOSE OF THE 4th STEP, YOU DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY OR MITIGATE YOUR ACTIONS NOR DO YOU NEED TO SUGGEST OR PROMISE ANY REMEDIAL ACTION. YOU ARE NOT ON TRIAL IN YOUR 4th STEP. ALSO, YOU SHOULD NOT MAKE ANY COMPARISON WITH WHAT SOMEONE ELSE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE DONE UNDER LIKE CIRCUMSTANCES. JUST FOR NOW, CONFINE YOURSELF TO THE FACTS.
What criteria did you use to justify what you did? Remember, you need to look at how YOU thought about what YOU did…not what you might think about such actions in general. For example, you might say you are a law-abiding citizen, but you ripped off the insurance company the last time you had a little fender bender. After all, everybody does that, don’t they? It’s standard operating procedure, isn’t it?
REMEMBER AGAIN THAT YOU ARE NOT ON TRIAL AND YOU DO NOT NEED TO DEFEND YOURSELF. You are human being capable of making mistakes and exercising poor judgement. You are looking at trouble, as a result. You will need to learn how to manage yourself, using a different set of principles, on your route to sobriety.
Look at your GOOD characteristics as well as those that are not so good. Your good characteristics are the building blocks that will form the foundation of your new life. Sometimes we have trouble seeing that there is something good about ourselves, but we MUST BELIEVE that we all do have good characteristics even though they may be hard to see or recognize, at times.
Sometimes we tend to overlook or gloss over certain aspects of our lives because of shame or embarrassment. We may tend to do the same with our good characteristics because we feel that it is bad to "blow our own horn" or "get a swelled head". We must drop these attitudes and try to look at ourselves as objectively as possible.
CAUTION: WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING AN INVENTORY, NOT A RESUME FOR A JOB APPLOCATION! We might be expected to "puff" a little for that, but for an inventory of ourselves, we had better stick to the facts.
As you consider each category of emotion in this document, recall two or three instances from your own history that illustrate how you handled the emotion at the time. Note what you did in response to the emotion. Try to make your illustrations and examples as typical as possible. How did you ORDINARILY handle things of this kind? A one-time thing is usually not indicative of one’s character. Lastly, be SPECIFIC. Let’s let it all hang out. Let’s not pull punches. Let’s not beat around the bush.
When you have finished writing your personal inventory, notify your counselor / sponsor. At the completion of this interview / meeting, you will likely be advised to make an appointment for your 5th Step, unless there is a urgent reason why you should not. IN THE CASE OF SIMPLE DOUBT, RESOLVE IT IN FAVOR OF MAKING YOUR 5th STEP AT THIS TIME. You can always pick up any loose ends or amend your 4th Step, if need be, at a later time. The main thing is to GET SOMETHING DONE NOW, while you have the time. Let’s get the initial effort beginning.
NOW LET’S GET TO THE NUTS AND BOLTS…

RESENTMENT
Resentment is constantly referred to in A.A. literature as the "biggest killer of them all". The Big Book states on page 77, "Resentment is the number offender". "It destroys more persons than anything else".
Resentment rarely involves thought. It comes from our feelings. This is probably why it can take such a hold on us and why it is so hard to manage. It is a type of anger that hurts only the one who holds the resentment. Most often, the other person, if it is a person we resent, is not even aware of the resentment.
WHO OR WHAT DO YOU RESENT?
Examples:
Do I resent having to be here in this hospital, treatment center, prison system, A.A.or N.A.meeting, etc…..? Have I really looked at the reasons for my being here?
Do I have feelings of resentment toward a person because I feel they should not have done whatever I think they did?
We often resent family, bosses, police, judges, social services and others who may be trying to protect us from ourselves by confronting us with the evidence of our illness and resulting poor judgement.

PRIDE
No one thinks much of any person who has no pride. On the other hand, the wrong kind of pride has kept many of us from taking the necessary steps toward recovery. Frequently, an A.A. / N.A. member who has had a relapse (slip) is too "proud" to go back, face his group and start over again. A good test might be to ask yourself if you can accept what is happening without reservations.
Other people are often able to see the false pride we harbor as we try to justify our drinking or drug taking along with the poor attitudes and behavior that resulted. It is peculiar but understandable that we cannot or will not see what we are doing to ourselves. To accept our selves as we really are, with what we have, is the opposite of the false pride, which keeps many chemically dependent people on the stuff.
The old saying, "Pride Goeth Before The Fall" is applicable in so many instances. You have the right kind of pride in yourself if you are willing to make the effort needed to go through the kind of soul searching this inventory requires.
EXAMPLES:
Great big wonderful, adorable me…I can do no wrong.
It would humiliate me to have to go to all those A.A. and or N.A. meetings where everybody would see me. I forgot, of course, that I was not too concerned about who saw me falling down drunk or floating off to cloud 9.
Has your false pride ever made you feel that plain old constructive criticism was really a personal attack on you?
What was your reaction when someone called your attention to a mistake you had made? Did your pride get wounded?

ALIBIS
In this inventory, alibis are to be considered from the A.A. standpoint, not the legal. You will probably find that is close in meaning and effect to explanation and rationalization. In alcoholism or chemical dependency treatment programs, alibis are known to be the illogical reasonings employed to justify unreasonable attitudes and behavior, in a way acceptable to ourselves.
All alibis contain at least some elements of the truth. We make sure of this because it makes the alibi sound good. We are able to point to this portion of our story and use it as a lever to convince others of the complete truth of the alibi. If we are able to convince ourselves and others that the alibi is valid, we have then fixed things so that we don’t have to do anything about the problem. We can just wait and see what "they" are going to do next.
EXAMPLES:
We are able to say, "It’s their fault—see what they made me do".
We had the ready excuse, "I got drunk (used drugs) and I didn’t know what I was doing".
We say, "I can’t help it, I was born this way" or "I didn’t ask to get born, did I?"
We announce, "I don’t use because I have to…I can quit anytime I feel like it".
"I really don’t know why I drink…I don’t even like the taste of the stuff".
"If you had the ____________I have, you would drink (drug) too….".
What are my personal alibis? Write them down.

ANGER
Anger is a basic emotion that is protective in nature and so we must realize that anger can, under certain circumstances, be a proper reaction.
We often use anger in a DESTRUCTIVE SENSE however. We use it as an effective weapon. We use it as a barrier against truth and reality. The result is that we lose self-control and seek to punish or revenge ourselves on others. This kind of anger impairs our judgement and we often strike out at the ones who are really trying to help us.
We often create this type of emotional storm to vent our own inadequacies and to project the bitterness we feel towards ourselves on others around us. Maturity and sobriety will teach us to cope with these emotional storms. We will learn that, in our anger, we are really only attempting to defend our own inadequacies.
THERE IS NOTHING TO BE GAINED OR TO BE PROUD OF IN GIVING WAY TO CHILDISH TEMPER TANTRUMS.
EXAMPLES:
We holler at or punch out anyone who dares to criticize our drinking or drug taking and it’s resulting behavior.
We get "mad" at people who are only attempting to do their job or take care of us when we can’t take care of ourselves.
We say, "I pushed my old lady (old man) around a little because she was always whining or yapping at me". We may have beaten her (him) up quite badly, but our inner shame forces us to minimize that.
Write out the times that you used anger in destructive ways.

ENVY
Envy is defined as being maliciously covetous or resentful of the possessions, accomplishments or good fortune of another. It is for good reason that Envy has been included in the causes of most people’s troubles.
We are envious of those who have been able to accomplish more than we have. We are jealous of the other person’s good luck. This, in turn, led us to feelings of inadequacy and failure. The next step was to drink or use in order to relieve the pain and bolster up our ego. Many of us spend so much time trying to "keep up with the Jones" that we haven’t got time to think about what we REALLY want for ourselves.
WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT THE THINGS OTHERS HAVE THAT, WE HAVE NO TIME LEFT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT KIND OF A PERSON WE WANT TO BE.
Each of us has virtues and talents. The tragedy lies in that the longer we are chemically dependent, the less we are able to appreciate what we have and the more we envy others. It becomes a vicious circle. We must learn to be grateful for…and to use…the talents we have.
ENVY HAS NO PLACE IN SOBRIETY.
Examples:
Our friend gets a promotion or a good grade and we feel it is necessary to say, "He got it by brown-nosing…he must have known somebody".
We envy our friends and others who seem to be having so much fun with their drinking and using. We resent being on the outside, looking in.
We envy a friend who got a new car and wonder out loud how he managed to do it. We forget or ignore the fact that we have probably drank or shot up enough to have bought a Rolls Royce.
Where and how have I envied others? Write them out.

LUST
Before taking your personal inventory in the matter of Lust, we suggest that you read page 52 of the book, "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" and page 81 of the Big Book.
We must realize that undisciplined and unrestrained gratification of our urges by thought or act produces shame, guilt, remorse and other inner conflicts. We need to understand that a "normal" sex drive is basic and can be an exalted and pleasurable expression of honest fulfillment. Purely selfish gratification prevents this act from being an expression of love or sharing. Most of us realize that there is not love, tenderness or caring in the relationship of whore and client, for example.
Few people have the courage to acknowledge where they are in this area. We must be prepared to look at the specific nature and scope of our relationships honestly and completely. When we are doing our inventory, we need to remember that selfishness is the thing that sets Lust apart from normalcy. We do not necessarily use the criteria of frequency or technique. When we are involved with Lust, we are gratifying only ourselves and we don’t care too much how, when, with whom or what the consequences might be.
The sex urge, being as powerful as it is, requires a great deal of discretion and application of values if it is to be a truly sharing experience, rather than merely a form of masturbation that is inflicted on our partner. A great deal of honesty and genuine insight is necessary for us to be able to recognize when we are truly sharing as opposed to merely exercising our lust at the expense of the other person. This is not just a matter of act; it is a matter of thought and attitude as well.
LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING --- LUST IS UGLY.
With whom have I inflicted my Lust upon? Write it out.

SELF–PITY
Referring to the book, "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions", it is noted on page 53 that the most common symptoms of emotional insecurity are SELF–PITY, worry, anger and depression. Most certainly, self–pity is one of the most commonly seen defects in the chemically dependent person.
Self–pity shows itself as unlimited feeling sorry for one’s self "Poor Me". It often appears in the form of the "Charlie Brown Syndrome"… "Why is everybody always picking on me?" This type of insecurity may arise in any area where we feel that our personal wants are being threatened.
This is a tough one to recognize because we tend to consider this kind of feeling as trying to take good care of ourselves. We feel we are protecting ourselves from all those others who can’t really appreciate how we feel or what we are doing.
Examples:
We say, "Why don’t people get off my back. If they would just leave me alone, everything would be O.K.".
"I’m sorry I can’t drink like other people and just have fun… I really don’t mean to hurt others or get into trouble".
All my friends can go to parties, bowl, play ball and have fun but I suppose I will have to give up everything and live like a hermit for the rest of my life. We must learn to anticipate these periods of self–pity and the inevitable resentment, anger or depression that accompanies them. We must recognize that we nearly always externalize…. blame things outside ourselves for what is happening to us. We must learn to look at our REACTION to what is going on at least as much, if not more, than what is actually going on.
OUR REACTIONS ARE THE MOST FREQUENT TROUBLE – MAKERS.
Write out your times of self–pity and your reactions.

FEAR
Psychologists call the type of fear we are referring to here,"free – floating anxieties". Our fear is described as an inner sense of foreboding… an imagined sense of doom or unidentifiable trouble ahead. It has been said that if we don’t have anything to worry about, we will invent something. This gives us the excuse we need to take something to make us feel better.
One of the outstanding traits of the chemically dependent person is the inability to cope with anxiety or other problems without resorting to alcohol or other drugs. This type of fear is a real, deep – seated insecurity that is born of our lack of confidence in ourselves and our abilities. Sobriety and day – by – day right living can help restore our confidence and polish up our ability to manage.
The famous quotation, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself", applies directly to us. When we are REALLY living, we can be confident and optimistic.
DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE AFRAID OF?
What are your fears? How have you allowed them to rule your life? Write them out.

PERFECTIONISM
Perfectionism is the feeling of need or desire to attain supreme moral, intellectual, material or physical excellence beyond what we are capable of. It is a feeling of being free of fault or defect and, as a result, being overly critical of others.
We are told from early childhood to do everything 100% perfect, no matter what we have to do to attain that goal. We are often exposed to unrealistic goals. We are led to believe that all of us can become President of the United States or of General Motors. We set our sights impossibly high, dream of the unattainable and are crushed by the virtually certain defeat.
This can be a two – edged sword. We may do this type of thinking from what we consider to be constructive motives… the project just happened to fail. We may also have set ourselves up to fail so that we could go on as usual, but now have people admire us for how hard we tried. This is a form of dishonesty.
LET’S LEARN TO BE REALISTIC AND SOMEWHAT PRACTICAL, AT LEAST.
We must learn to accept our talents AND we must be able to realize our limitations. It is VITAL that we try to do our best but it is MANDATORY that we do not look for excuses outside ourselves or just collapse when we find our best was not THE best.
Examples:
Do you expect far more of yourself that your boss would expect of you or any other good worker?
Are you overly critical of other people merely because they do not act the way you want them to?
Do you have the fox and the grapes attitude… if I can’t get what I want, I immediately feel that it was probably no good anyhow?
How have you used perfectionism? How has it affected yourself and those around you?

HYPER–SENSITIVITY
Are your feelings easily hurt? Are you thin skinned?
Hyper–sensitivity refers to the inability to cope with ordinary social relationships without being overly affected by real or imagined happenings. The hyper–sensitive person is too easily and too strongly affected by well – meant constructive criticism or innocent joking.
Isn’t it peculiar that we seem to be completely insensitive to the hurts and slights we impose on others and yet we take issue with every slight or hurt imposed on us, minor or not, inadvertent or not. As we fail in our way of living, we can’t help being hurt by anything that is considered to be normal living.
We must learn to accept the advice and opinions of others. This is a part of maturity… the growing up process. We must be able to accept the fact that all other people do not act "properly" or logically all the time, and we allow for this. We must remember that we are all able to be tactless, on occasion.
Examples:
You expected to be called on at a meeting. You were ready but the leader just forgot to call on you. Do you believe this to be a deliberate put – down or can you accept the possibility of error?
Do you automatically "know" that people have it in for you every time things don’t go the way you think they should?
If you meet someone you know on the street and they fail to say "hello"; do you immediately feel that they are stuck up? Do you feel abused or deeply hurt?
Where and with who have you been hyper–sensitive? Write it out.

IMPATIENCE
Impatience is a restlessness or shortness of temper… an irritation under delay or opposition to what we want to do. It may be unwillingness to tolerate something we dislike or disapprove of.
Impatience is generally a matter of attitude rather than amount of time involved in whatever we are considering. If someone is five minutes late for an appointment, most of our irritation is due to our attitude, rather than the five minutes involved. We act like "His Majesty, The Baby". We want what we want when we want it… and we want it NOW.
The motto of A.A…. "Take It Easy"… is not just a platitude. It literally means to use some common sense… to learn to walk before we run… and to try to learn to be as tolerant of others as we expect them to be with us. We must remember that we cannot undo in a few short weeks that which has taken us years to become. Building a new life is going to take time. We might well ask ourselves the question, "Why is there always enough time to do it over, but never enough to do it right in the first place?
Examples:
Do we cuss our family or friends if they are late for something even if what they are late for is not important?
Do we get upset when we are not served immediately in a restaurant during the rush hour and storm out hungry?
Do we take a project away from someone because they are not doing it fast enough to suit us… even if it is supposed to be a fun – thing where time shouldn’t make that much difference?
Where and when have I been impatient? Write it out.

SELF–PAMPERING
This is one of the most elusive defects people have to deal with. The reason is that no person wants to think of himself as self–pampering. We all want to appear strong, bold, brave and able to take it.
We must look deeply into our past for evidences of the beginnings of this trait. Often, it starts in childhood and continues on forever. The first thing to look for is the attitude "Give me what I want now and I will do what I need to do later". Remember when we had homework from school or certain chores to do? We wanted to go out and play first… and then we were "too tried" to get to the homework or chores.
Another way we develop self–pampering is to say to ourselves, or others, "I deserve a drink… some fun… or some sympathy… after all, look what I have to put up with". We often try to live by the ridiculous philosophy of "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may die". This has ruined an awful lot of us.
We must look honestly at the ways we have searched for pleasure and the satisfaction of our own desires at the expense of everything else. For many of us, "hedonism"…. The boundless pursuit of happiness… has been our way of life. We have accepted no curbs, we have considered no consequences.
This might be typified in the modern street philosophy, "If it feels good, do it. Don’t bother to think about what might happen".
Most of us have a conscience so we punish ourselves for our constant pleasure seeking. Experts have noted that much of the apparent pain of a hang – over is due to the mental strain we are having because of guilt feelings.
CHECK YOUR PAST FOR THESE FEELINGS OF GUILT. LOOK FOR THE WAYS YOUR SELF–PAMPERING HAS ALLOWED YOU TO DEGRADE YOURSELF.
We must accept, as our new motto, "I WILL BE FREE TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO, WHEN I HAVE FIRST DONE WHAT I NEED TO DO".
Look up "Hedonism" in the dictionary learn what it means. The 3rd Edition of the Big Book on pages 507, and 549, gives an eye opener as to where our attitude should be in regards to excessive materialism, and pleasure seeking. It says, "temptation – began with my desire for material success becoming greater than my interest in the welfare of my fellow man", and "I had lived with no sense of social obligation nor had I known the meaning of moral responsibility to my fellow man".
In what ways have I been excessive in the pursuit of the pleasures of my own desires? Write them out.

GREED
Greed is one of the most pronounced, basic personality defects of the chemically dependent person. Those who are losing their hold on life because of alcohol or other chemicals seem to have an almost insatiable desire to draw everything to themselves and reach higher than they are possibly able.
Greed is a function of attitude rather than amount. Greed is indicated in the way some of us are willing to act in our efforts to get what we think we want. We are often willing to climb over or even destroy people and principles that seem to interfere with our grasping for things. We often find we didn’t really want it after we got it. We rarely shared or gave freely. We generally did so only when we had an ulterior motive… we wanted to make someone obligated to us… we wanted to build up "drink insurance". We gave our pals the shirt off our back, figuratively, if not literally, because we might need something from them someday.
We were far more interested in our "reputation" than in our character. Often, we greedily acquired things only to try to appear more important in the eyes of other people. We must do our best to combat this complete self–centeredness and recognize the falseness of the goal of acquiring material things as a status symbols… as a substitute for character molding.
WE must learn to be able to TRULY share… ourselves as well as our goods. We must accept the fact that there is no more selfish person than the practicing alcoholic or drug addict.
When and how has Greed been behind my motives? How has it affected me and my relationships with others? Write them down.

INTOLERANCE
Intolerance is the inability to endure other people, their opinions, and their beliefs.
We are most often intolerant of things or people that are different from us… things we are not familiar with. Often, our refusal to allow others to have their own views on a subject stems from our own ignorance.
We feel we have achieved omnipotence… we know everything about everything… and will not tolerate disagreement. We must check this closely. While we may seem to be tolerant at times, most of us have not learned the give and take of sober, sensitive relationships.
We must look at the other person’s motives and drives and try to understand his viewpoint. While we may not be able to adopt it as our own, we owe it to that person to tolerate his right to his own point of view. MANY OF US ARE BIGOTED WITHOUT BEING AWARE OF IT. Our bigotry has become such a part of us that we will have to do some real searching to find it. We must learn to tolerate life’s set – backs and problems without being compelled to resort to alcohol or drugs.
Examples:
Other people have different religious beliefs, political leanings or are of a different shade of skin. Do we look down on them or take it out on them? Have we been guilty of harming them by either word or deed? Write the instances down.

PHONINESS
Phoniness means presenting a false front or being good for the wrong reason.
This is a very human characteristic. We find phonies in all walks of life… people who deliberately lead us to believe they are something they are not. Phonies do this in many ways including evasion, concealment of true condition or deliberately lying. Some of us are so phony that we are able to do this to ourselves. We tell ourselves and others that we are merely putting our best foot forward.
PHONINESS IS DISHONESTY. Many of us minimize badly in this area because we don’t really want to be dishonest and we can’t face the fact that we are. Being phony with ourselves is perhaps the worst type of phoniness. For example, we might be able to convince ourselves that stealing from our parents or from our company is not really dishonest because it is "all in the family".
Some of us have been phony for so long and have gotten so skillful at it that it has become almost automatic. We have great difficulty separating fact from fiction.
Examples:
The person who goes to A.A. or N.A. only because somebody’s got him by the short hairs and he has little choice. He will make enough token appearances to impress these people of his sincerity. He will normally only play the game until he gets off the hook and then its back to business as usual. Have you been a phony? Write the instances out.

PROCRASTINATION
Procrastination means to put off or postpone FOR NO GOOD REASON.
This is a matter of attitude rather than a matter of time. We often have no intention of doing something but we tell ourselves or others that we are thinking about it or that we are working on it. In other words, we are lying.
This is a very real defect with many of us. We put off disagreeable tasks and then worry because we have not accomplished them. We feel guilty and frustrated. This vice often leads to the destruction of good judgement in other areas because it becomes a habit. We cannot concentrate on the business at hand when we are concerned with an undone task or a decision not made. We begin to habitually put off everything rather than get busy and get the job done.
To be sure, we should think things through, but let’s not think so long that we become immobile physically and mentally. This defect has probably delayed our recovery for some time already, as a matter of fact. We often hear excuses for not taking a 4th and a 5th Step while in treatment, prison system or the hospital. These excuses are wide ranging, these excuses might resemble: "I’ll wait till I get home and talk to a priest, minister, rabbi or friend of mine", or "I need more time to think this over".
We believe, here in this program, that your stay here is plenty long enough to do the job (28 days). After all, you don’t have to do one single other thing here but take care of yourself while you are here. A priest, minister or rabbi from your denomination and religious background can be made available to you.
TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF. ARE YOU STILL PROCRASTINATING OR ARE YOU GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS?
In what areas of your life and in what ways have you been procrastinating? Put it all on paper.


















VIRTUES, ATTITUDES AND OBJECTIVES
To this point in your 4th Step, you have been considering the personality defects that have been getting in your way and contributing to your problem.
It is now time to consider some of the positive aspects of your personality. While you are evaluating these virtues, make an honest effort to incorporate as many of them as possible in your new "blueprint" for living. There are a great number of things many of us might be thankful for that constitute assets. Often, these are taken for granted and so are never allowed to grow or improve.
For example, consider that:
We have good physical and mental health opportunities. We experience wonderful things though our senses… sights, sounds, feelings and happenings… when we are not all fogged up with chemicals. We will be able to judge what is true, real and valuable when our judgement is not clouded or converted by drugs. We will be able to use the vast store of knowledge made available to us over the years and centuries of man’s existence. Our mind, that fabulous part of us that makes us what we are can draw on this bank of knowledge and experience and use it to our benefit, if it has not been blunted by chemicals. Opportunity will not only knock on the door; it will kick in the door and sit in our lap, if we give it a chance.
We have friends… if we give them a chance to be such.
Many hidden talents lie within us. Some known and others are not yet recognized. Let’s begin to explore a little. Remember the famous artist, Grandma Moses? She only got to using her remarkable talent after she was in her 80’s. Most of us won’t have to wait that long… let’s start discovering NOW.
We know right from wrong and, hopefully, want to do right. We must be consistent in our interpretations of right and wrong. The size of the lie or the crime must not be the deciding factor.
We have a high degree of sensitivity, which, if channeled right, allows us to do much for others, because we are truly interested in them. This sensitivity also adds to our enjoyment of our other virtues. We are able to experience them more intensely.
We are GOOD workers when we are on the ball. We are able to appreciate good work in others as well as able to produce quality goods and services ourselves.
We have done many things of which we can be justly proud. If there is a mark against us, it is likely to be in the area of poor judgement. This is a correctable condition. For openers, we can be proud that we have begun the process here. We can, once again, stop beating ourselves over the head with our mistakes and shortcomings.
We are lovers of truth and fair play. We are now even able to give ourselves a break… to shoot square with ourselves… for a change.
We can learn to talk to an audience… to "carry the message" to others. We learn that, strange as it may sound, the more of our program we give away, the more we will have for ourselves. It is as that wonderful milk pitcher in the Scandinavian fairy tale… it was always full after being poured from.
WHAT OTHER GOOD POINTS CAN I THINK OF, AND WRITE DOWN ABOUT MYSELF?
Make note of them as you go through the assets in the following pages. Continue to seek out and learn more about the VIRTUES, and how you can apply them to your life. This is a life long process done one day at a time, remember GOD HELPS THEM, THAT HELPS THEMSELVES.




HOW CAN WE USE THESE ASSETS TO HELP US NOW?

COURTESY
Think of the way you have treated other people… how you defended your style of living. Let us learn to be courteous to all people, not just those we are required to be courteous to because they sign our paychecks or something. Let’s remember to say "please" and "thank you" even to our families.

CHEERFULNESS
Remember that what happens to us in life is probably less important than how we react to it. Let’s try to look on the bright side… to regain our optimism. Let’s learn how to laugh at something besides "dirty stories" or someone else’s misfortune.

USE OF TIME
Think of the hours and days we have thrown away in drinking and using drugs. We are the stewards of the time we have. Our time will be better used for constructive living… for ourselves and for others. Let’s plan how to use our time wisely.

LOYALTY
Think of the many people who are looking to you for loyalty… your family, your friends, your employer and others. The measure of our sincerity is often determined by our loyalty to our principles and to other people. Let’s be loyal to and supportive of our family and friends EVEN IF THEY DON’T ALWAYS DO AS WE WANT THEM TO.

PUNCTUALITY
The mark of maturity is self–discipline. That means order in our living and consideration and respect for others and their time.
IT IS FAR BETTER FOR US TO BE A FEW MINUTES EARLY FOR AN APPOINTMENT THAN TO BE A FEW MINUTES LATE.
Then we know we have done the right thing by not making the other person wait for us. If we can’t be on time, let’s notify the other person as soon as we can and revise our time of arrival as accurately as possible.

SINCERITY
Remember that the world is more interested in what we do than in what we say we are going to do… that sincerity is best shown by our actions. Be yourself for a change. You have many good qualities that will be appreciated if people are only able to see them.
PATIENCE
We must have patience, not only with ourselves and our recovery, but with others as well. Many people may not understand the struggle we are going though, but we must not use this as an excuse to get angry and start using again. We must go on with our course of right, sober living. We must be prepared to spend the time necessary to rebuild our lives REGARDLESS OF HOW LONG THAT TAKES.

RESPONSIBLE SPEECH
It is vital that we remember our former way of living and learn to be kind and considerate in our speech. Harsh or false words often cause severe damage. Let’s remember that there are such things as tact and diplomacy. There are ways of telling the truth with the sting taken out.

INTEGRITY
Let us live that others may learn that they can rely on what we say and do… that our lives will be demonstrations of honesty, loyalty and sincerity. Let us train ourselves to be able to think and act responsibly whether we are being supervised or not.

GRATITUDE
Let us remember to be humbly grateful for the opportunity to make amends… to convert a life of destruction, defeat and despair to a life of VICTORY and PRODUCTIVITY. Let’s be thankful that we have been given an opportunity that few people have, that of being able to start over and really LIVE, for a change. That we are able to make the changes necessary, rather than have them imposed on us by someone else, is worth thinking about. As we become aware of the full value of this, we ought to feel pretty good.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
REMEMBER, THIS 4th STEP MAY NOT BE PERFECT BUT
WE ARE SEEKING PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION.
If you feel that your 4th Step is complete, to the best of your ability, see your counselor, a closed-mouthed friend, or a priest, minister or rabbi, about your 5th Step appointment.
Page 72 of A.A.’s Big Book states, The fifth step – if we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Page 74 states, Those of us belonging to a religious denomination must – no religious connection we may still do well to talk with someone ordained by an established religion.
Page 76 of A.A.’s Big Book
GO TO ANY LENGTHS FOR VICTORY OVER ALCOHOL
(and or drugs)